Violence experienced by women in intimate relationships is often invisible from the outside. It mostly happens at home, behind closed doors, where there are no other people. Men who behave violently use strategies to isolate their partners from their close people and family. They often threaten their partners with escalating the violence if they tell other people about what they are experiencing, or if they seek help. As a result, women’s close friends and families are often unaware that their friends, acquaintances, colleagues or relatives are experiencing violence.

There are signals in women’s behaviour that may indicate that a woman near you is experiencing violence at the hands of her partner or husband. It is always a good idea to make sure about these signals with the woman and ask if she wants to talk to you about it. These signals may be manifested, for example, by limiting or cutting off contact with you; by cancelling arranged meetings; by frequent phone calls or messages from the abusive partner who is constantly checking up on the woman; by more frequent absences from work; by injuries that the woman cannot explain or her explanations are unlikely; by frightened reactions to various, even common, stimuli.

Every woman’s situation is specific and there is no “how-to” guide on what to do in a situation of violence. In addition, we need to realise that even if a woman talks to us about being in an abusive relationship, she is not telling us everything. Even people close to the woman often know only a fraction of the violence the woman is experiencing. Therefore, specific advice and persuasion can put her at risk. It is important for women that someone believes them and is there for them when they need it. If you know a woman in your area who is being abused by her partner, you can encourage her to seek help and contact an organisation that deals with this issue. You can also ask her what she needs or offer her practical help, such as finding contacts for helping organisations or help with children.

Women experiencing violence may have different feelings about the violence they have experienced. They may experience feelings of shame, fear of the reaction of those around them, questioning or blaming. Before talking to a woman about violence, ask her if she wants to talk about her situation. If she refuses to, respect that. At the same time, reassure her that she can contact you if she wants to talk to someone about her situation. If the woman agrees to talk, find a safe place to talk. Listen to what the woman is saying. Express your support and tell her that you value her trust. Let the woman know that you trust her. Tell her that the violence is not her fault. Ask her what you can do for her and offer to help. Support her in her decisions.

Do not question what a woman tells you and how she feels. Do not blame her. Do not say that she could have behaved differently. Don’t ask a woman “Why don’t you leave?” “How can you stay with him after all this?” Don’t pressure her to leave and don’t force solutions on her. Do not downplay or excuse her partner’s violent behaviour. Do not take any action without the woman’s knowledge, unless her life and health or the life and health of her children are directly at risk..

Many women who stay in an abusive relationship do so not because they want to experience violence, but because it is often very difficult to leave an abusive relationship.

One of the reasons why women stay in an abusive relationship is fear of their partner’s reaction to them leaving. Men who are violent towards their partners often threaten them with physical violence; with hurting their children, their partner’s family or themselves; and with killing them if they try to leave. Women fear that their partner might carry out these threats. These fears are well founded, because the most common time when women are killed by their partners is when they seek help or try to leave an abusive relationship.

Other reasons why women remain in violent relationships are lack of financial resources to provide for themselves, children and household, fear for the future of children, and women’s deteriorated health as a result of violence, which can lead to loss of employment. The fact that there is insufficient number and capacity of specific facilities in Slovakia where women with children can go to live temporarily, if necessary, can also be an obstacle for women to leave an abusive relationship. The facilities are not free of charge and are therefore unaffordable to many women.

Women may fear the reaction of those around them to leaving the relationship. They may fear judgement from family and loved ones, or that those close to them or the institutions they turn to will not believe that they are experiencing violence.

Women often wish for the end of violence, not the end of relationship, and for a complete family to be preserved.

One of the common questions people ask about violence against women in intimate relationships is why some men behave violently towards their partners or wives. The primary cause of men’s violent behaviour lies in historically conditioned traditional ideas about the roles of women and men in society and in the home. Violence against women in intimate relationships is gendered and is a direct consequence of the unequal distribution of power between men and women in society. As a result of the unequal status of men and women, and as a result of traditional ideas about women and men, violence against women is still widely tolerated by society. Men who behave violently do so because they can. It is important for society as a whole, as well as for individuals, to say a clear no to violence against women. By taking this stance, they are telling men who behave violently that such behaviour is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

Violent behaviour is a choice

There are various myths in society about men behaving violently towards their female partners because they drink or take drugs or have an explosive temper and cannot control their anger. In fact, they behave this way consciously. This is evidenced by the fact that most of them do not behave violently towards their superiors or friends, even when they are angry. Men who behave violently towards their partners or wives know what they are doing and are the ones who decide when, where, how and towards whom they will behave violently.

Violent behaviour is learned and observed behaviour

Men who behave violently towards their partners or wives have learned that such behaviour is okay. Since violence against women is not an isolated phenomenon, many men may have experienced violent behaviour of men towards women which was tolerated in their original families. They may repeat this pattern of behaviour in their relationships. They may also have heard negative and derogatory comments about women from other people in their environment. Such attitudes towards women are not infrequently presented in the media. If men internalize these attitudes, they may come to treat women as inferior persons who should obey them and do as they say.

Violent behaviour is about power and control

The aim of violent behaviour is to gain and maintain absolute power and control over a woman’s life. Men learn from culture that they have the power in society. Many often behave powerfully even in intimate relationships and achieve power and control over their partners or wives through violent behaviour.

Human rights and freedoms, as well as their exercise and effective protection should be equally guaranteed by the state to all citizens. Violence against women deprives women of the full exercise of their human rights. Women have the right to equally exercise and be protected by all human rights and fundamental freedoms in the political, economic, social, cultural, civil and every other area. All women, regardless of their social and economic status, education, ethnicity, nationality, religion, age and sexual orientation, have:

• The right to life.
• The right to equality.
• The right to freedom and personal protection.
• The right to equal protection under the law.
• The right not to be discriminated against in any way.
• The right not to be subjected to torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

It is these fundamental women’s rights that are seriously and repeatedly violated as a result of violence. Such violations, without timely, appropriate and professional intervention by the relevant state and public institutions, can lead to severe harm to women’s physical and mental health or even to femicide.